sort-of advice

The other day I read about penile fractures because Reddit got me thinking that way. (Yeah, click here to skip the penis stuff if you're squeamish)

This can only happen when erect, and involves the rupturing of erectile tissue, and causes immediate flaccidity, pain, and bruise-like appearance on the penis.

It is also a medical emergency, which requires surgical attention.

Now there is one key rule to preventing this unfortunate predicament is just to not bend the penis in stupid ways.

This means that joining the mile high club isn't so smart because sooner or later the dick is gonna bend sideways and possibly end in nasty.
Also avoid reverse cowgirl. I shall explain why, because apparently it is a mystery to some that both the vagina and penis have a slight curve to them. When you put those curves in opposing directions a dick is going to snap.

Which reminds me of how ducks have this hectic anti rape thing. I think firstly the females developed a convoluted so that the males would have more trouble forcefully copulating with them. Then the males develop a screwdriver penis so that they can get deeper in. Then the females develop spiral vaginas that curl the other way. Then the males learn how to shoot their dick and literally pop a boner (see from article above), and the females develop false dead ends in their vaginas to stop the males short.
So on and so forth it's like fucked up Lamarckism and it makes no sense why ducks have managed to survive so long as a species if so much of their energy is spent on making elaborate dick traps and even more elaborate dick guns.
You only have to watch the slow motion videos from that link above to see what I'm talking about.


Back to the non-dicks

I would like to deliver a PSA to people who cannot be fucked reading things properly. Which includes everyone right now graduating with Red laptops who thinks they can use Adobe wherever the hell they like.

Firstly you can get your copy of Microsoft Office without graduating your laptop, because your student numbers are already in the system.
Use your 431... number and register and then you can download each of Microsoft Office for Windows 2010, Office for Mac 2011, and Windows 7 Ultimate.
Go to http://nsw.dec.onthehub.com/ to claim your spoils.
It's a good idea to take a screenshot or copypaste the serials into a text doc because if you don't use the serials within 30 days it's gone from the NSWDEC server and you can never retrieve it again.
If you, for some reason, want to license the Office on your red laptop, you do not need to download the program files. After you've graduated your laptop, if you try to open Office it will just tell you to try to plug in a serial (which you will have!!!)
If you are over that red piece of junk, and are installing it on your own computer, you obviously need to download the program files for Office 2010 (removing any other installs of older Offices if applicable).
Obviously you should all snap up Office for Windows, but I also recommend taking an Office for Mac just in case you wanna go hipster. And a Windows Ultimate in case you get a new machine with no OS.

I'd also like to point out that you don't get to use Adobe. What I mean by that is that
1) You do not get a license key that you can use on your home computer
2) Good luck opening, let alone rendering with, Adobe products on the shitty Red laptop.
If you read the license agreement you would find the line "You will have access to using the Adobe software on your DER-NSW Lenovo, IdeaPad S10e laptop only". Please, I do not want to hear another person tell me otherwise.
I shall summarise here. You get one license key for each of the Microsoft Products, of which you may use each serial only once.
You get the Adobe WebPremium CS fully licensed upon graduating. Fulleh sick.
And I knew I did not misquote the prices for Adobe. To buy your first license for CS6 (as in, not upgrading from CS5), Photoshop by itself is a whopping $1168, and the Master Collection is $4344. How the hell do people afford that shit that actually costs as much as an old second-hand car.

Oh oh random addition. Keep an eye out on these two products when you are in Uni.
Microsoft Dreamspark (Most Australia Unis are subscribed to Dreamspark Premium) tbh I forgot why this excited me before but it's a shittonne of free programs, and includes Microsoft Maths, which could come in handy
Microsoft Office University has all the Office programs that Home and Business has. The key can be used on 2 machines. It is only $99 (compare to price of Home&Business, which is $379 for 2 machines)